Salutations to you my formerly Wheat Tolerant Friend,
I have been thinking about you since you returned from your gap year in Israel and I am certain that you are as confused as anything about your decision to leave home again after already having been away for so long in the land of humus and schnitzel. But I know that you have made the right decision even if the sacrifice of family does not seem worth it. You are leaving your home, your bubble, your comfort zone and your life only to create a new one. The best thing about it is that you will always have the love and support of your first. And the only difference; you will have substitute cocktails for copious amounts of cuppachino in order to stay up late and work.
I have seen photos of you and you seem to be looking, for lack of a more fitting euphemism, a little voluptuous. It’s a pity you aren’t a part of a culture where big is beautiful. I know how the falafel story goes though: every one you ate really was to be the last. I must warn you, however, about something called the “first year spread”. What basically happens is that you get progressively rounder until one day you will pop – and that is up for individual interpretation.
Unfortunately, this theory is applicable only to the females of this cruel world in which we exist. Alas, food in residence is almost as unpleasant as a pregnant Israeli mother running after her twelve and a half children at a crowded bus station. Beware of Pirates Pizza and Steers soft serve ice cream Dear Friend. It will only end in tears.
Anyway, I must retire for the day; I do have a cuppachino to sip on and lots of essays to complete. Adios amigos, be gentle with yourself and be open to as much experience as you can handle.
Lots of love to you sweet lady,
Your recently turned Wheat Intolerant Friend.
